Gentlemen, If you want to live long, shop alone, finish your food and don’t comment about it. Here is my experience.

The day you will see me donning a turban don’t blame me, by then I will have changed my name from Timothy Prof-G.H.C to Timotheo Profetha G.H.C. My entire household will be wearing either a head scarf for ladies, and a turban or a small shite cap if your head is the size of Prof Junior.

By then He will not be Prof Junior but will have had a new name close to Abednego or Zebania or even Pilibo Profetha the Second my wife and daughter will be wearing a nicely pleated long dresses. Then we will retreat to my Rumuruti Ranch to wait for the magnificent second coming of Christ.

Don’t ask me why I will wear a turban and retreat back to my Rumuruti ranch because I will tell you right now. Some of the things Prof sees are more strange than fiction. Am sure you also doubt some of the stories you read here. Don’t worry I also doubt them but since it is my eyes that saw then I have to believe.

This Saturday we are with Mato and Freddie. These are my drinking buddies who we get stung with. My wife believes they are the ones who destroy me but that’s not true. Mato’s wife also believes its Friddie and me who destroy him while Freddie isn’t married but his mother believes its Mato and myself who destroy him.

So on Sato while after watching the Arsenal game electricity losted and we opened to Radio Jambo on phone to listen to the Manchester United Hull City game as we finished the bottles of fermented honey that were remaining. You can also say remaingin bottles of universal solvent solution as your chemist teacher taught you about the characteristics of alcohol.

Don’t blame me if you chemist teacher didn’t teach you that.
Now, I don’t know the last time you listened to a football match on the radio but we counted about 30 goals. What we were fighting for is to know who had scored the other more goals. But don’t worry we were already tipsy.

After the game about 10 pm Mato started was telling us many stories that are neither here or there. In my language we say it stories of a person being driver by river. But its true Mato is drowning in this field of love related matters.

You see Mato married about a year ago and started working overtime. He started tasting these things very seriously not only for entertainment but also for procreation. He started the business of importing children in readiness for 2017 elections. It goes without saying that the other day he hired a house help.

Now the food in the housed is being cooked by either of the two people, the wife or the house help. Naturally Mato gets to the house late about 8.30 to 9pm and finds the food already served therefore he doesn’t know who cooked. When the food is good he praises the food, when the food isn’t nice he eats small food and goes to sleep.

Now the wife have noticed a pattern, every time she cooks Mato eats little food and goes to sleep, when house helps cooks the Mato eats a plateful and praises the food. If the househelp cooks ugali and wife cooks stew, Mato praises Ugali and eats very little stew. If the househelp cooks stew and wife cooks Ugali, Mato praises stew and eats very little ugali.

I think this made the wife very insecure but knowing very well she needed the house help she kept quiet. Now the other day Mato and the wife decided to go shopping with their new Sienta car. Naturally the wife sits at co-driver while Mato drove. On this day they bought a flat screen TV, I think 32 inches Sony Bravia so that they retrench the one that has a potbelly ostensibly it produces heat not good for their new born child. He told the supermarket attendant to keep it at co-driver position and tie it with the seatbelt. This meant that the wife sat on the back seat. He also said the remote not to be packed he will catty it on the pocket.
The wife never uttered a word on their return journey.
I hear there was a small civil war later that night in his house. That’s why mato is having a bandage on the head.

That’s why I choose to go for shopping alone and will not be commenting on any food cooked in my house any time soon. The holy couch be my shield and defender.

Otherwise you will see Prof wearing a turban

Prof sees many things